I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Randomize
