6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
