I'm lost and stupid without you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
