Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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