Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Girls should come with a carfax report
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
