he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
