I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
