the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
