Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
