im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
