Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
