Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
