i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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