its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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