4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
