I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
