I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
