he shaved USA in his pubs
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
