You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
