I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
