I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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