He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
