I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
