Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You pole danced in your parka.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
