Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
