you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
