Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
