**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
