She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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