whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
