Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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