Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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