were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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