Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
