Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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