atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
