Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
