I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
