did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
