I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
