Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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