I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
