I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
