I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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