How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
