no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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