; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
