never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
