I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
