I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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